Remembering Is Suffering
by LoveAvonTARDIS
Summary: The Doctor takes Amy to a new planet, at least he thinks it is. When they end up on New Earth, the Doctor instantly remembers his time with Rose. He explains his predicament to his Amy and Rory and they insist on helping him, whether he wants them to or not. [Reunion fic]
1. Chapter 1

**This is certainly not my first story nor is it my first fanfiction but it is however the first Doctor Who fanfic I've ever written :) Just a little one-shot about the doctor remembering Rose and missing her. WARNING: Angst ahead ;) Set in Series 5 in my own little pocket of time, probably between Amy's Choice and The Hungry Earth, where Rory has gone home for a little while.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who**

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**Remembering is Suffering**

The Doctor smirked, successfully conjoining two ebony wires without so much as a spark. He very rarely managed to find two compatible cables in the sea of wires that curled and swung under the console of the TARDIS and couldn't help but be proud of himself. With a short chuckle, he lept from the swing and landed on two feet with a beam.

"Wow, that's two things you've managed to not mess up today, shame Rory's not here to witness it. No one's gonna believe me" Amy grinned, sitting on top step of the metal staircase. The TARDIS hummed causing the Doctor to furrow his brows in annoyance where as Amy just laughed. "Even the TARDIS agrees with me!" she scoffed.

The Doctor stuck his tongue out and stepped around her towards the console. "Whatever, _Pond!_"

The TARDIS _whirred _loudly and Amy jumped to her feet, skipping towards the Doctor and watching over his shoulder as he furiously typed in co-ordinates and pulled leavers. When he gestured to the zig-zag plotter, Amy beamed widely and raced towards it, stepping twice to the right before using it. The TARDIS calmed and, with a deep rumble, announced their arrival.

"So, where are we this time Doctor?" Amy flirted, reaching over and grabbing her leather jacket.

"Somewhere new" he smiled like a child as he bounced down the steps towards the door.

With a cheerful laugh, Amy followed him outside, stepping into a viscous current. Wrapping her arms around herself, she closed the TARDIS door and looked around, the wind whipping around her and sending her hair in all directions.

The view was amazing. They were currently parked on a large cliff overlooking a large city, blinking lights and bright blue skies overhead. To the far right was a smaller piece of land surrounded by water and detached from the rest of the city. It was a large white building, several stories high with a large symbol on the side. The symbol was a green moon, something that made Amy question the buildings purpose. Looking up, Amy spotted the several hundred car flying above them, souring over the sky of their home. The cars were quite big, certainly bigger than any car she had ever owned or seen, and poured generous amounts of gas from the backs, yet the air was seemingly clear. The wind sent a strong aroma in their general direction and Amy laughed with delight as she recognized the smell. "Is that apple I smell?"

She waited for a few second, gazing around her in awe, when she realized the Doctor had yet to answer. When she turned back to him she noticed his vacant gaze. His hair was been swept into his eyes yet they were still visible enough to see the tears pricking his eyes. His hand was pressed to the door of the TARDIS as though he was preparing to run back inside yet his gaze continued to wander across the planet. "Why would she bring me here?" he whispered to himself, but Amy could hear, and assumed he was talking about the TARDIS. To Amy's surprise, when he looked past her shoulder at a grassy patch over looking the planet, he froze. His lip trembled as he took rapid and uneasy breaths in an attempt to hide his tears.

"Doctor?" Amy whispered nervously as she moved back towards her friend.

When the Doctor heard her, he shook his head and awkwardly coughed away what must have been a horrid memory and turned to face her, plastering a smile on his face. Yet Amy could still see a single tear lingering in the corner of his eye. "Yep" he smiled halfheartedly, popping the 'p'.

Amy frowned. "Doctor what's wrong? Have you been here before?"

By the look on the Doctor's face it was clear that the answer was yes. With a shake of his head the Doctor seemed to slip back into his normal facade and leaped over to join her. "Come along Pond" he cheered, dragging her along towards the city, purposely avoiding a particular patch of grass.

Amy smiled; she loved this part. "So where are we?"

The Doctor turned to her and grinned. "This is New Earth" he gestured out with his arms, letting her take in the full view. "And that is New New York", he added, pointing to the city floating in front of them.

Amy squealed with happiness, her arm in his as she jumped up and down on the stop. The Doctor closed his eyes for a second, remembering how _she _had done much the same thing. Instantly, a million memories and imagines flung into the Doctor's mind and his eyes began to burn. He had never felt a stronger urge to cry.

"Its actually called New New York?" Amy gasped in disbelief.

The Doctor sighed, her voice bringing him back to reality. "Well, actually its the fifteenth New York"

"So, what? That makes it New New New New, New New New New New Ne-"

"No" the Doctor immediately interrupted her. "Don't do that, no. Just... dont" he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face in exasperation.

Amy raised her eyebrows and _huffed, _allowing herself to fall onto the grass. She lent back on her elbows and happily watched as the cars flew over her head, mingling with the countless others that crossed their path.

...

The Doctor slid both hands tiredly over his face, rubbing his eyes roughly with his fingers as he lent back on the against the TARDIS console. Today had been terrible. After insisting the Doctor join her on the grass, Amy had asked to visit the 'big white building', or so she had put it. So not only did he walk inside and get hit with a wave of familiar memories and feelings back also saw a startlingly familiar face. It must have been before he first came here for the cat-nun-nurses were still running the facility and, although the Doctor wanted to stop their testing and flesh-growing then and there, he knew he had to leave it up to his younger self in the future. Not only that, but the Doctor had therefore seen the Face of Boe, and it was something in the creature's face that proved to the Doctor that he was well aware of their adventure that had yet to happen in this very place, and the reason it haunted him. The Doctor hadn't questioned the Face of Boe further, you know, time-lines and all that.

Even though his mind was now plagued with a thousand painful memories, he found himself smiling, even if only slightly. It hadn't been his doing when they had arrived. He had set the co-ordinates for Kikatchune, a distant planet inhabited by humanoids with eight legs for over 9 centuries, but apparently his sentient ship had other ideas.

A part of the Doctor was hoping, praying, that it was a sign from his ever faithful ship. Maybe his impossible Rose Tyler had found a way back to him and she was there, right under his nose, and the TARDIS was trying to acknowledge him.

Instantly, upon so much as _thinking _her name, the Doctor withdrew from the console, hands sliding off the main controls to hang uselessly by his sides as he unceremoniously stumbled back into one of the captain's chairs. It sounded so artificial but his hearts were clenching, almost as though her name was being seared into his heart over and over again. And he had worked so hard to dull the ache by blocking the little pink and yellow human from his mind.

With a strangled sigh, the Doctor hoisted himself up using the console and hurriedly scrambled up the TARDIS staircase and down a dimly lit, vacant hallway. Since these floors had not be walked on for years, the Doctor found his fists clenching and his teeth digging into the skin of his plump lower lip to gain composure. He knew, _vividly, _what was down this forbidden corridor. Passing various rooms, doors ranging in both size, color and texture, the Doctor ventured further and further into the depths of his memories.

He came across a certain door, pale. Golden tendrils of color spread across the expanse of the wood and etched into the paint, swirling around until they stopped at the corners of the door. In piercing, golden circular Galifreyan was one simple word; Susan. And yet, the power that word had over him made the Doctor tremble. He rarely though of the people he had lost that had been as close to him as Susan was. He missed his granddaughter greatly but knew, that somewhere, she was happy.

Sighing, the Doctor moved further, purposely avoiding the doors of 'Romana', 'Sarah Jane' and countless others. When he began to reach the doors of his more present companions, he stopped and smiled.

The door in front of him was red and looked almost battered and tired, certainly compared to the rest. The knob was newly polished, reflecting the Doctor's face as he looked down curiously. He was somewhat tempted to go inside but knew that he couldn't and wouldn't be able to bare it. She had been such a big part of the Doctor's life. She had cheered him up and made him smile whenever she could. Yes, there were times when tears were inevitable but she was always one to be snarky, quirking and snappy. She was amazing, in her own way, just as all of his companions were, ranging from Ian and Susan to Amy and Rory. And then, the bright and wonderful memories filled with smiles and laughing were replaced by a single image. The look on her face when she realized. The last meaningful gaze she sent his way before she forgot who he was completely. Softly tracing the circular Galifreyan equivalent of 'Donna', the Doctor moved on.

And then there it was, right at the end of the corridor, all by itself for more reasons than one. Each of his companions had had a special place in each of his hearts but, she was evidently the most powerful of them all, at least when it came to the Doctor's heart.

The door itself was a soft shade of pink, matching and contrasting shades milking their way into the middle of the wood, where paths began to spiral in all directions. The door was framed, only not with the same golden tinge the rest of the doors had, but rather with the natural coral of his previous desktop theme. The coral was thin but it was obvious what it was and, looking at it, the Doctor knew that the simple coral was so much more important and valuable than any gold. The coral TARDIS was where their adventure both began and ended. The thought made the Doctor shed a tear as he studied it for a second more.

This door, again unlike the others, had no Galifreyan inscription on it. No writing what-so-ever. To an outsider it may have looked as thought the Doctor hadn't cared enough about this companion to make a simple inscription but that was the complete opposite of the truth. The Doctor refused to have any words on the door merely out of the knowledge that no word, not even in the long lost language of the Time Lords, was enough to convey the shear power and love he felt for the human. Not even the TARDIS dared to put so much of a plaque above the door. Both the Time Lord and the sentient ship knew who the room belonged to and since no one else had to know, there was no point in any sign of identification.

Taking a deep breath, the Doctor swallowed the lump in his throat as his hand fell to the door knob. It was cold, considering the door lay untouched for several years. Round and shining in his hand, and yet the Doctor hesitated.

From what he could remember from his countless nights sleeping or simply whimpering in the confines of her room at his loss, it had not been touched by anyone but _her, _or maybe him, since she left. He wanted it kept the way she left it, whether that meant clothes laying about, the bed untidy or make up across the counter, he didn't care. He wanted everything perfect; the perfect imagine and memory of her to hold onto. She had never been overly-tidy. Even though the Doctor had made fun of her messy room countless times, she had brushed him off and simply claimed it was 'the way she liked it'. And if this was the way she liked it, it was the way the Doctor _loved _it.

Brushing his palm against the wood once more, he slowly moved into the room. His mind was swarming with memories as he stepped into the overflowing room of clothes, make-up and bed sheets.

Strewn over her bed were the last pair of pajamas she had worn on the TARDIS, something that, for some reason, made the Doctor's heart swell. He remembered that night well; she had wanted him to read to her so they had finished the final Harry Potter book together. Reading books while laying together was something they loved to do. She had the proceeded to fall asleep against his chest half way through the last chapter, which made the Doctor laugh. Later in the night he had moved from under her carefully and left her to sleep. Thinking back to it now, the one thing he regretted was not staying the whole night and watching her sleep, or even sleeping beside her.

Scattered across the expanse of her make-up table was a collection of perfume bottles and several make-up products. Her eyeliner and mascara were open, the brushes crisp and dry. The entire floor had clothes scattered everywhere and the wardrobe door was swung open, dresses and jeans hanging out.

"Who was she?"

The Doctor gasped, turning to face the intruder. Standing against the door frame, arms crossed and a soft smile on her face, was Amelia Pond. Her eyes were on the Doctor and it was clear that the look she was giving him was one of love and sympathy. It was then that the Doctor noticed something wet and warm against his cheek. Bringing a hand to his cheek, the Doctor felt a single tear gracing his face and wiped it away.

"Doctor, who was she?" Amy asked again, looking around the room quickly before looking back to her best friend.

The Doctor sighed and rubbed his eyes dry before gesturing for Amy to move inside the room. She did so and closed the door gently.

"Her name was Rose" the Doctor choked slightly, throat tight. He slowly lowered himself onto her bed and rest a hand against the pink sheets. Amy sat on the chair at the desk and watched as the Doctor contemplated ways to explain his feelings for the human that hurt him the least. "I loved her" he croaked sadly, tears now streaming down his cheeks. "I _love _her" he corrected quickly.

Amy nodded in understanding, urging him to go on.

"She wasn't a princess or a goddess.. she was human, and normal. But she was so beautiful Amy, so beautiful. She was my pink and yellow human. She was-" choking on his words, the Doctor rubbed his red face urgently. Amy only smiled sadly. "Oh God Amy, I miss her so much. It was right after the Time War that I met her. She just, I dont know, changed me, she saved me from myself. From the moment I met her. The first ever word I said to her was "run" and we never stopped."

As the Doctor continued to explain the story of the Oncoming Storm and the Bad Wolf, even going so far as to explain, in as much detail as he could manage, the events of Canary Warf and his metacrisis-human twin. Amy simply sat and listened, her heart breaking for her Raggedy Man. She had never seen him so upset. It was probably a good thing Rory wasn't on board at the moment, since the Doctor probably wouldn't have told her the tale otherwise.

Whether she cared or not about the possibility of River Song being his wife in the future, it was clear to Amy that the Doctor's hearts belonged to Rose and would for a very long time. She was sure he knew that too.

"Doctor", Amy whispered gently when the Doctor had finished. Both of them were now crying, only Amy was doing so quietly. The Doctor was sniffling and choking on his breath as he clutched the bed sheets. "I am so sorry. I know you love her, and I'm sorry you lost her. But if there is anything we can do to get her back to you, I'll do it. Just tell me, and we'll get her back."

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**Yeah I know it wasn't great but I just wanted to do an angsty kind of one-shot, although I'm not sure if I want to turn it into an actual story. If you liked it, review and let me know if you want me to carry on and maybe I'll make it a reunion fic or something. Anyway, I hope you liked it. **

**Let me know what you think :) Means a lot.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, since the continuation was highly requested I'm posting chapter 2 and extending this story :D I'm not sure how long it will be but... I guess we'll find out along the way. **

**Not sure if I did one last chapter so here we go:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who although if I did we all know who would have returned and what couple would be happily travelling the stars right about now ;)**

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Much to Amy's dismay, the Doctor's mood hadn't improved after their chat the other day. She had assumed that if he spoke about it and got all of it out, then maybe he might be able to move on- obviously she was very wrong.

Since he had shared possibly his biggest weakness with her, Amy had tried to get through to him, but the Doctor wasn't having it. When they weren't running for their lives, the Doctor busied himself with 'TARDIS repairs' and refused Amy's countless offers to join her at dinner. He was more distant than she had ever seen him, even more so than he was in the short period of time they had spent alone after she kissed him, which had been possibly the most awkward experience of Amy's life. He hadn't said much then, and now he was almost completely silent. Occasionally, when they were out of adventures which actually seemed to be coming around less and less these days, he would let his guard slip and smile and once he even _hugged her! _Normally that was nothing out of the ordinary but since he had cried himself to sleep thinking back to his experiences with a certain blonde, he hadn't been the Doctor. He was an empty shell of her best friend; and it killed her.

It was 4 days after their conversation when Amy decided she had had enough of the Doctor's mood swings and distance. It wasn't something she enjoyed, shouting at him... well, maybe a little bit.

"Okay Doctor we need to have a serious talk" Amy sighed, stepping into the console room.

The Doctor's head shot up from under the console and he smiled gently. "Well good morning _Pond_" he grinned, slipping back under the console where the noise of sparks and rumbles, most likely from the TARDIS, could be heard. "The TARDIS didn't tell me you were awake" he mused.

Amy smiled, looking at the console in admiration. She was grateful the TARDIS hadn't said anything to the Doctor, otherwise he might have come looking for her and she needed time to think her plan through. "Yeah, I only woke up 20 minutes ago. Anyway, we need to talk"

At the sound of something so... _domestic, _the Doctor stilled, his grimace hidden under the shade of the console. "Uh, okay?" he chuckled nervously, twisting two random parts around each other in the hopes it actually looked like he was doing something. "In a second Amy. I just have to fit in this new Ni...graph..ical, urm, Device that will improve the TARDIS' landing patterns" he muttered nervously. He really hoped Amy didn't think it wasn't a real thing, which admittedly it wasn't, but she didn't have to know that.

"No Raggedy Man!" she shouted, pulling him out from under the TARDIS by the shoulders. "Now" she demanded. The look in her eye frightened the Doctor and he simply nodded, the lump in his throat too dominant to speak.

He jumped to his feet and walked around her, slumping back into the nearest captain's chair. He crossed his legs and looked up at Amy expectantly, who straightened her skirt and _huffed. _"You are not yourself Doctor" she started in a thick Scottish accent. "I don't know what to do anymore but I sure as hell can't just leave you to suffer and moan alone. I miss you, and I wan't to help"

Apart from a small smile at 'I wan't to help', the Doctor remained unresponsive. With a groan, Amy continued. "This girl, Rose, you're obviously not happy without her and to be honest if you're acting like this now I don't know how you have ever survived being apart 'cos from what I heard you haven't seen her in a while" she spat, getting increasingly angry now as the Time Lord sat, nervously watching his nails.

"Amy" he started, but she cut him off.

"No! Don't 'Amy' me! I'm not gonna sit back and just watch you mourn. You haven't eaten, you haven't slept-"

"I don't need to sleep" the Doctor interrupted, eyes glazing over slightly as he looked at anything other than Amy.

At his reaction, Amy's tone softened. "Look, Doctor. I know that you love her and I know it's hard to loose the people you love, I lost my parents when I was a little girl. But that never makes it okay to just sit back and cry. We have to move on and make them proud". Getting extremely nervous at the Doctor's lack of response, she sat on her knees by his side and took his hand in between both of her own.

The Doctor looked down at their hands, feeling a sense of comfort, but sadly it was shortly replaced by a wave of despair at the though of never holding _her _hand again. He looked down at Amy as she looked back at up him, eyes soft with sympathy. The Doctor sniffed, bringing his other hand to his nose to wipe it before he turned to his best friend. "I'm sorry" he muttered. There was no way the Doctor could hold back his tears any longer and Amy watched as her imaginary friend cry.

"Don't be sorry, just tell me what I can do to help"

At her words, the Doctor shot up and away from her, eyes now masked with anger and regret. "Don't you see Amy? You can't do anything to help!" he shouted, and Amy felt her heart sink at his words.

"No one can ever help because she's gone, Amy! Gone! Never coming back! As in not coming back EVER! I will and can never see her again. She's gone!" he cried, and for the first time ever, Amy watched as he slumped against the console and closed his eyes to hide the sob he felt jamming his throat.

"But what if she wasn't?" Amy asked before she could stop herself.

The Doctor's head shot up. "What?" he gasped.

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**Yeah I know its short but** **I wanted to post this chapter j****ust so all of you who were wondering whether I'd continue or not can see for sure that I am making this longer :) Hope you like it.**

**I wont be able to post as often as I want, HOPEFULLY once a week but it all depends. My life is really busy at the moment but I'll try :)**

**Let me know what you think xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all of your reviews for both Chapter 2 and 1. They mean a lot. Hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

**Disclaimer: trust me, if I owned Doctor Who, Rose would have married the Doctor not Rive (eye-roll)**

**3 months later**

It had been 3 hard months for the Doctor since Amy's outburst in the TARDIS when she had suggested the possibility of getting the girl he loved back. 3 hard months of a never ending supply of idea's that all seemed to fail and leave him more heartbroken. He had attempted every one of her wild yet wonderful ideas but each and every time, without fail, he would come out with the same thing; shattered hope and a damaged ship. He just wanted to give up.

Were it not for Rory's return, the Doctor was sure he would have gone insane with Amy shouting in his ear every few seconds about not giving up. He was thankful that Rory was able to tame his wild fiance but at the same time resented the fact that, with Rory around, he had no one to encourage him and keep his hopes up.

They had tried everything they could think of. They had tried replicating a Dalek void ship, and failed, and even attempted to update the TARDIS so it could handle the travel between universes, but regardless of his efforts, either their was no gap in the fabric of reality to jump through, or the TARDIS backhanded his attempts with a simple hum of refusal. It had surprised the Doctor, the first time the TARDIS refused to so much as fly _towards _the void. He always thought that, since their bond when she absorbed the time vortex, that Rose and the TARDIS were..._ friends. _

Thinking about it, it was probably an stupid thought anyway. He knew that the TARDIS was a sentient ship but with her love and appreciation of his friends came the envy and the hatred. After all, she loved him and he didn't doubt that she envied those _he _came to love. Maybe she felt neglected... not that he would ever abandon her.

Yet, it wasn't just his stubborn ship that was keeping him from crossing the void- it was his nerves. He was terrified, absolutely terrified. As in 'heart-pattering-like-a-machine-gun' terrified. The last time he had seen Rose, he had left her on a beach with a human copy of himself without so much as a goodbye. Since that day he had hated how he had left things with her but the one thing he regretted most was his incompetent mind.

The first time the Doctor had lost Rose, he intended to tell her he loved her, but ran out of time. The second time, he was far too frightened and backed away before she could question him further, letting a clone of him say it instead. And let's not even think about the times before the battle of Canary Wolf. In the pit he had had the chance to tell her but didn't want her to hear the words for the first time through someone else's lips. Even in his 9th incarnation he had had multiple chances to tell her, including the time where he nearly lost her to the Slytheen in Downing Street- he could have easily told her then, but he didn't. He had even had the chance to say it under the stars, in the snow (well... ash) on their first Christmas together, after he had regenerated, but didn't want to overwhelm her. He had just changed his face, personality and body after all. But, even all of the reasons didn't seem enough to the Doctor now. They may of back _then, _but now he just regretted being a coward.

What was it he had said to the Daleks on Satellite 5?

"_Coward, any day_"

Well, turns out he was right, although maybe he should have said "Coward, **_every_**day".

Turning his back on his friends, the Doctor decided to take a stroll to his favorite room on the TARDIS. The walk was short, thanks to the TARDIS maneuvering rooms around for him. When he reached the door, he smiled and rest his hand on the glass. He gently pushed open the glass door and carefully stumbled over a large step, onto the lush and comfortable apple grass of New New York.

Upon their departure of the strange new Earth, the Doctor had kindly asked the TARDIS to replicate the planet to every possible detail, even including the varying weather patterns from the day they had visited. Grinning wildly, he closed his eyes and let the wind sweep over him, much like it had on his first time visiting over 4 years ago.

It was strange. Of course he could simply travel to New Earth whenever he desired but it would never be _that _day. He couldn't exactly go back to the exact day and time that he had visited in his tenth incarnation with the blonde. He wouldn't be able to deal with, one, his past self moaning about crossing timelines, or seeing Rose and then having to leave her. _  
_

Even the thought made his spine cold.

With a content sigh, he moved further into the room and settled on a familiar patch of apple grass. It was soft and gentle beneath his fingers as he let himself trace a phrase he had come to know, in his native language. The circular Galifreyan he wrote made him swell with pride. Whether his planet and people were gone or not, he had loved at least looking at the citadel of the Time Lords. He was proud to be a Time Lord, even if he had hated their way of looking at the universe. It made him smile; looking at his people's language.

He let himself fall back, looking up at the busy sky of New New York. The cars flew above him in a sea of activity. Again, his smile was genuine and wide, but his eyes were sad and lonely.

As he looked over head at the beauty of the planet, having missed looking at its remarkable scenery **both **times he had visited, he was mesmerized by its unique features. The large buildings, sculptures, cathedrals and majesty. It was a very nice city, not in his top ten of the universe mind, but still nice.

His attention was drawn to a couple in the distance, and he instantly tensed up when he noticed a blonde woman, head back, laying on the grass, laughing. His eyes widened and his body went rigid. He couldn't see the couple well but the man beside her had brown, spiky hair and was laying back in a pin-stripped suit, resting on a large brown overcoat.

He gasped as he watched his past self and the woman he loved sit and talk about the city. He could hear Rose's laugh from meters away and it made his heart swell.

A wave a realization hit him and he jumped to his feet, looking around urgently for his past TARDIS, when a voice filled his mind.

_It is hard to manage but I have the exterior of my past self inside my present self. I can maintain it for a few hours at most, so as soon as yourself and the Wolf have left, I shall remove my younger self and then return it when they come back. _

Shocked by both the TARDIS' explanation and the knowledge that when he was in the hospital all that time ago his TARDIS had disappeared from existence.

_This isn't safe! I didn't want my past self here!_ He shot back at the TARDIS with his mind.

The TARDIS sent him the equivalent of an eye roll and then the imagine of a beautiful woman laughing. Her mouth was open, teeth bared as she laughed wholeheartedly and the blonde strands cascaded down the expanse of her back. Her eyes were slightly open as she laughed and the Doctor felt a tear graze his cheek at the imagine of Rose laughing in his mind.

With a shake of his head he sat back down, watching as himself and Rose stood up, gathering their things and smiling. As his past self showed Rose his physic paper, she let her eyes wander slightly, gazing around the area.

oOoOo

"Doctor", Rose whispered worriedly, looking behind her in the direction of a young man whose eyes were glued on her.

"What's wrong?" her Doctor asked, gazing in the direction her eyes were locked. He narrowed his eyes at the young man, who obviously had little sense of fashion, but felt a wave of familiarity about him.

Rose was trembling under his gaze; the eyes looking at her were filled with so much emotion it was hard not to shed a tear for the man. "Who is he Doctor? Why is he staring at me?"

The Doctor sighed, shifting in his position. He looked at the strange man who seemed completely oblivious to them looking at him. He was so very familiar, and the Doctor had only ever felt that weirdly unique yet startlingly similar presence in his mind before the time war. Gasping, the Doctor realized who the man must be. Grabbing Rose's arm roughly, he attempted to pull her away. "Rose, stay away from him, he's back news"

Rose turned to the 10th Doctor, eyes wide. "Who is he though?" she asked nervously.

Glaring at the man, the Doctor quietly whispered. "I think he's an old... friend, of mine. His name is the Master"

Her insides twisted in fear as she let the Doctor pull her away. There was a frighteningly weird feeling in the pit of her stomach that was telling her to ignore the Doctor and go to this man but she trusted the Doctor with her life.

"Are you sure its him though Doctor? He looks really familiar. Look at his eyes" she muttered quietly, almost inaudibly, but the Doctor's sensitive ears picked it up.

He looked down at Rose, surprised by the twinkle in her eye as she looked at the stranger. Looking back at him, the Doctor scrunched his nose, taking a whiff of the man. He smelt familiar too; like bananas, cinnamon, a certain perfume the Doctor couldn't quite place, and... _time. _

"Doctor?" Rose whispered, looking up at the Time Lord as he stood frozen.

At the sound of her voice, he snapped out of his trance and looked down at Rose with a terrified gaze. "We need to go... _now_"

When he tried to pull at her arm again, Rose resisted, standing her ground. The Doctor turned back to her in surprise. She was staring in the direction they saw the man but this time her eyes had softened and a small smile was gracing her features. The Doctor couldn't seem to say a word as she began to stumble in the direction of the stranger, who was now standing, watching her with wet eyes and a terrified smile.

She couldn't stop the movement of her legs and before she knew it, she was running towards him. She knew it was _him. _She could just.. tell. His eyes, kind and ancient yet filled with sorrow and fear, were boring into her. As she moved closer and closer she could see his eyes widen and his feet begin to move. He was careful and slow, as though terrified to reach her in case she wasn't real, and the thought scared Rose.

By the way he was looking at her, it was clear he no longer had her. Either she was dead, left (which she highly doubted would ever happen) or he'd kicked her out. A small part of her mind was fighting against the idea, the thought that maybe he was only looking at her like a blind man looking at the sun for the first time because, maybe they were together in her future and he was just looking at her with eyes full of love, but she couldn't believe it. Although that was true and the admiration in his look was obvious, she knew that he had definitely lost her by now.

He was now walking, not running, but getting closer and closer by the passing seconds. His eyes were filled with tears and his smile was wide and, looking at him, she felt herself speed up.

When she felt large, firm and familiar arms wrap around her tightly, holding her like a life line, she let out an involuntary scream of delight. She heard him sigh and her eyes widened at the sound of this new Doctor. He burrowed his head into her head, sighing in relief at the feel of her in his arms and she felt the cold feel of tears on her shoulder.

"Rose" she heard him whisper over and over again like a prayer. She smiled at his new voice, pleased by the sound of it. She only shook her head in surprise and happiness, taking in the smell and feel and sound of him all at once.

Yes, it was overwhelming; looking at the man she knew was her Doctor, only older and without her, but she couldn't let her mind focus on that. Instead she focused on the sensation of being in his arms,

"Doctor" she whispered, tears flowing from her eyes without measure. "It's me. I'm here" she whispered comfortingly.

"I know" he chanted in her ear over and over, as though trying to persuade himself of that.

Suddenly she was out of his arms, hands pressing against her shoulders. Her eyes shot open and she stared at the older doctor in confusion. She didn't let herself take in his new face, only stare at him in confusion. "What?"

He shook his head violently, pushing her off of him gently. "No, no, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening! This is your fault" he added, shouting at the sky. Rose furrowed her brows in confusion, unaware he meant the TARDIS. "You shouldn't even be here! One, its dangerous and oh my goodness paradox right now! And two, the TARDIS shouldn't even be able to put you both in here" he rushed, hands buried in his hair and pulling at the strands urgently.

"Rose" she heard her Doctor call. She looked back at him, eyes wet and wide. He was watching himself sympathetically as he stepped forward, grabbing her arm and pulling her away.

Before she was able to protest, she felt another arm pull her back. She looked back towards the older Doctor, watching as he cried silently, looking at her with profound hope in his eyes.

"Oh my god" both herself and the younger Doctor heard him say. "It's really you. You're really-", he shook his eyes. "Rose" he sighed once more, throwing his arms around her and pulling her to his chest. She gasped in surprise but let herself relax in his hold, happy she could make him smile.

The younger Doctor looked on from the sidelines, not jealous of the fact Rose was in another man's arms, even if that man was him, but with sympathy. He knew that he must have lost her by now and couldn't stop a single tear from escaping. From his older self's reaction, he loved her even more than he did now, which both scared and thrilled the younger Time Lord. He looked on as his... 11th? incarnation hugged her to him so tight it looked like she was struggling to breath and knew, he had to make however long he had left with her, count.

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**Hope it was good and exciting and different. It won't change my whole 'reunion' plans but I hope you liked it anyway :)**

**Reviews are love - appreciate every one **


	4. Chapter 4: New Earth

**This chapter is short but it's kind of a filler-ish chapter. Action is coming next chapter. Read the final author's note at the end of this chapter :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who but I own this plot line**

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The Doctor was jolted awake by the sound of his own raged breath. In the quiet expanse of his room, there was no sound, save for the peaceful hum of the TARDIS, and his startled breathing and whimpers had managed to interrupt his sleep.

He didn't sleep often, but when he did, all he ever seemed to dream about was Rose. It hurt; dreaming about someone you wanted to be with, hold and cherish but knowing that you cant. His somewhat childish self conscious had obviously taken his grieving to another level.

Sighing, he rubbed a hand across his face, remembering the dream. It had been so vivid, so alive with colour and texture and smell, that he had genuinely believed it was real. Everything, right down to each hair on her head, had been the same as the day he had actually been to New Earth.

For even a second, he imagined that maybe something like that were possible, but the negative hum from the TARDIS was enough to bring a frown to his face.

He stumbled from his bed towards his bathroom and didn't hesitate before throwing a handful of water over his face. He lent against the sink, fists clenched around the porcelain tightly. The Doctor sighed and furiously rubbed his hands over his face, hoping they somehow might erase the images from his dreams; the images of her. When they failed to do so, he angrily stormed from the room, oblivious to the tears trailing down his cheeks.

[...]

Around 2 hours later, Amelia Pond skipped into the control room with a huge smile on her face. She had just had breakfast with Rory and they had had a nice talk about the future, and she couldn't keep the smile off of her face at the mental imagine of a family with the man she loved, in the future. She _was _terrified and certainly didn't want to leave the TARDIS anytime soon, but ever since she was a child, it was something she had wanted. The thought intrigued her.

Looking down at her engagement ring briefly, she continued down the stairs and towards the main console where the Doctor was flicking unnameable switches and pulling complicated yet simple looking levers.

"Morning Doctor", Amy smiled, joining him at the console. The Doctor grinned at her but the visible sadness in his eyes was noticeable. "What's wrong?"

The Doctor sent her a sad smile but furthermore ignored her question. He continued to move around the console, eyes never straying from the buttons he pushed.

Amy sighed. "Doctor! Tell me what's wrong. Please."

He let his eyes look her over but once again took a deep breath and looked back down at the TARDIS. "Nothing's wrong Amy" she heard him mutter.

"Well there obviously is!" she shouted, following him around the console as he made sure to move in the opposite direction.

"Well then don't you worry", he shrugged.

Amy growled. "Stop this Doctor!"

The Doctor once again brushed her words aside, moving to the screen and swinging it around with him.

"Is this about Rose, Doctor?"

The Doctor's head snapped up at her name and he glared at Amy. "Not everything is about... _her_!" he growled.

Amy stepped back, slightly shocked at his outburst, but refused to let up. She followed when he trekked up the stairs, ignoring his furious gaze and muttered curses. He stormed into the kitchen, much to Rory's surprise, and flicked the kettle on with a huff.

Amy settled beside her fiance, nudging him with her arm, while the Doctor grabbed himself a mug. "Rose?" Rory asked cautiously. Amy nodded, eyes on the Doctor at all times.

Both Amy and Rory sat in silence, watching the Time Lord prepare tea. Amy didn't miss the stray tear that escaped his eye before he brushed it aside.

When his drink was prepared, Amy straightened up, ready to follow him if he stormed from the room again.

The Doctor looked towards the door, but his eyes slowly flitted to Amelia Pond with a sad gaze. Sighing, he slid into the chair opposite her.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled. Amy simply nodded, knowing he was going to continue. "I just had a dream and I thought it was real, but it wasn't. It put me in a bad mood."

Rory furrowed his brows and looked the Doctor over. He had never seen the Doctor so quiet or upset. There was a sad and distant look in his eyes, something Rory had never seen so prominent. His lips were quivering slightly and his fingers were busy fiddling with the table cloth.

Amy lent forward, resting her elbows on the table. "Wan't to tell us what happened in this dream?"

The Doctor smiled. "No much happened. It's just, I was walking through the TARDIS and I went into this room but the TARDIS- she'd, umm.. done something. She put my younger self and.. R-Rose in there, from, ur, when we went there together. It was j-just that, seeing her, even in the dream, it reminded me t-that I do-don't have her with me. It just g-got to me, I guess."

Amy grinned, leaping from the chair. "Doctor! Come on! You said yourself when we were dealing with the Weeping Angels that time can be rewritten and unwritten. So, maybe the TARDIS was sending you a message. Maybe she was trying to tell you that... you could go to that time and maybe, warn your younger self that he's gonna loose Rose", she explained excitedly.

The Doctor chuckled sadly and shook his head. "One; its not that easy. And two? I can't."

"Why not?" Amy demanded.

The Doctor sighed _again. __  
_

Rory watched the two of them interact with a confused look. "Doctor" he called.

Both Amelia and the Doctor turned to Rory.

"You can," he insisted. "I'd do anything to get Amy back and I know you'd do anything to get.. Rose -is it?- back, so... me and Amy are gonna help you."

The Doctor huffed, leaning back in his chair and brushing his hands through his hair. "I can't go to my younger self because he can't see me. If I saw him I'd have to remove his memory or he'd have to suppress it and if he does that then there is no point to even going because he wont remember it" he rushed.

Amy shook her head. "Nope, 'cos we're gonna talk to younger you for you." She beamed, nudging Rory's arm with her elbow.

Rory smiled, standing up and taking Amy's hand in his. "C'mon Amy. We're going to this.. place, thing, err... land, that was in the Doctor's dream."

The Doctor frowned, standing too, as Amy giggled, trialing her husband behind her towards the control room. "Amelia! Don't!" he called as he chased them down the halls.

Amy pulled Rory with her as she moved towards the console, tapping the time rotor nervously. "Hey TARDIS," she called, looking up at the rotor with a fond smile. "We need your help. Listen, you know the Doctor's dream, well we need t- WOAH!"

Both Rory and Amy let out a scream as they were sent flying back, away from the console. "RORY!" Amy cried as she was flung around the room, moving too fast to be able to see him. She heard a cry in response and, a few seconds later, the room stabilized and Amy was left flung across the glass floor.

She gasped, shooting up and looking around the room for Rory, who was down on the floor towards the door, curled in a protective ball.

[...]

The Doctor choked on his breath as the wind was knocked out of him. He was in a corridor, looking for the Ponds when the TARDIS shook violently. Cursing under his breath, he attempted to stay standing as the ship shook. Stumbling around and looking down every corridor and hall he passed for his friends. Cursing angrily, he came to the realization that his machine had moved him further and further away from the console room with ever turn he took.

If the TARDIS took Amy to New Earth, there was nothing he could do to stop her rewriting his past to save the woman she knew he loved.

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**The Doctor is kind of torn between being terrified of the change and excited for Rose at the same time which is causing him to react without thought and he's doing that by trying to stop Amy and Rory. So, don't get me wrong, he wants Rose back, but he doesn't believe he deserves her and is terrified of what the changes will cause. **

**This story will be ending soon since I don't intend on making it a continued story after the reunion. So... review while you can :)**

**Thanks to all my readers :D**


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